Authored by Vince Russell on 02 June 2004 at 07:00AM
Current rating:
Filed under: Letters from Vince

Liverpool FC's next manager?

Department sent to: New Manager Department

Dear sir/madam,

Following the departure of Gerald Houllier, I would like the board to consider me to become the next Liverpool manager. I have achieved much over the past two years in various sporting arenas and see football management as the logical next step, here is just a taster of my recent triumphs,

• 3rd in the West London (Hammersmith division) pool championships (between the four of us)
• 1st in the Longest Wheelchair Wheelie competition (beating Dave Truro, last years winner, by a whopping 23 seconds!)
• Led Chubby's-Cheese-Rollers to victory in the Wisbech cheese rolling competition, even though I pulled a hammy in the first round!
• 2nd in the pie-and-lager competition. I'm still a bit miffed at this because I think Big Teddy T shouldn't have been allowed to enter! The fat git!.
• Invented the Jelly-Down-In-One competition, but sadly came 5th in the inaugural World-West London championships (that bloody Big Teddy T again!)

I believe that should I take over as manager, you would get more than someone to just run the football club, I can run a lottery syndicate, or get the beers in after training. I can also make a mean lasagne and a marvellous quiche (I would enclose a slice but I don't want you to think that I'm trying to bribe you).

Anyhow, thank you for your time and I hope you will consider my application on it's merit. Should I not be successful, I wish you and the new manager all the best for the future.

Good luck next year either way!!

Regards,

Vince Russell

Authored by Vince Russell on 02 June 2004 at 07:00AM
Current rating:
Filed under: Letters from Vince