Authored by Vince Russell on 06 November 2003 at 07:00AM
Current rating: 3 out of 5 stars!
Filed under: Letters from Vince

Guinness Mixers

Guinness makes my poo go black!

Department sent to: Guinness Mixers Deparment

Hi there,

I thought I'd let you know about last night because I think you might be interested in the outcome of our experiments.

Me and Pete mostly drink Guinness, whereas Dan and James prefer fizzy lager and it all started when Dan was telling us about Turbo Shandy's (apparently this is when you mix half a lager with an alcopop). So we was wondering what we could mix with Guinness (please don't be offended that we knowingly chose to taint the taste of the black stuff), so we tried a few experiments in the pub and then went back to mine and tried a few more and attached is our findings.

If we attempt any more, I'll try and let you know, I don't think we will though, we now realise that if it's not broke, don't fix it and Guinness is not broke!

Marvellous,

Vince.

Guinness with Baileys
This is lovely! We tried a couple of these and your best mix is one part Baileys to four parts Guinness. We rated this one 10 out of 10.

Guinness with blue bols
This wasn't too bad, it gave the beer a weird colour and didn't affect the taste too much. We gave it 7 out of 10

Guinness with vodka
Oh my god, this is horrible, I nearly chundered! This gets a 1 out of 10, and it's lucky to get a one I can tell you!

Guinness with red bull
This is just weird, it's wrong and it's not right, it's like that phrase "there's a party going on in my mouth and everyone's invited!", only this time it's a rubbish party with sticky floors and dog ends all over the place, half the people don't turn up, half leave after fifteen minutes and the other half start a fight! 3 out of 10!

...at this point, we went to the offy and then back to mine...

Guinness Jelly (lime flavour)
It didn't set! We ended up with a kind of weird liquid goo the colour of mud and the consistency of something best not mentioned! 2 out of 10.

Frozen Guinness Jelly
So we thought it'd be a waste to throw the Guinness jelly away, so we stuck it in the freezer, a couple of hours later we took out something that looked like the slush you get on busy roads after a snow storm. Sadly it only tasted marginally better! But it was better than the original jelly, so we gave it 3 out of 10!

Guinness Gravy
Very nice indeed this, we realise this idea already exists but we thought we'd try it home-made style, I just wish we had something more classy than fish fingers to try it on. 8 out of 10.

And finally, Guinness and cat food
This was Dan's idea, well, I say idea, it was more of a drunken bet and given the amount we had drunk, we took him up on that bet! You get half a pint of Guinness and add a tin of Whiska's (those little individual tubs - the square ones), you can choose the flavour, me and James went for rabbit, Pete went for tuna and Dan had turkey. Then, you have to drink it down in one. I wish I could say I was surprised at the taste but I wasn't, I did the 4 metre dash in record time and talked to Ralph on the big white telephone. -116 out of 10!

Authored by Vince Russell on 06 November 2003 at 07:00AM
Current rating: 3 out of 5 stars!
Filed under: Letters from Vince


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